WOODHOUSE, J.H. Written and composed by.
'We did'nt have a funeral after all'.

London: Francis, Day & Hunter,
(Late Francis, Bros & Day, Blenheim House,) 195, Oxford St., W.
Additional info: "Sung with the greatest success by Michael Nolan".


You know Mick Fagan? No! you don't? Well, 'pon my word, you ought,
He is a champion player at mean tricks of ev'ry sort.
Said he to me just this day week, "Tim Donahoo is dead;
I'm raising funds to bury him, and buy him children bread."

SPOKEN:--- Yes; that Fagan has a tongue as smooth as a bad shilling, and an eye that would coax a duck out of the water. But--

If I only find that joker, I'll address him with the poker
(I've looked for him in ev'ry house of call);
For the dead man, Donahoo, is alive and kicking too,
So we didn't have a funeral after all.

We held a private meeting, for we mourned Tim as a friend;
Donations rolled in freely from the boys who did attend.
Each mother's son bought black to wear -- the same for kids and wife --
When I found out by accident the corpse had come to life!

SPOKEN:-- Yes; in walked Donahoo, louder than any dead man ever spoke, and apologized, like a gentleman, for interrupting the proceedings. And at the sight of him all the girls fainted and the old women screamed, which gave Fagan the chance of sneaking off. But I'm after him, and--

CHORUS: If I only find that joker, &c.

Mick bolted with the pile of cash that had been paid to him--
Five hundred men and women have subscribed to bury Tim--
But Tim objects "on principle" -- and so would I or you --
I think we'll bury Fagan now, instead of Donahoo.

SPOKEN:-- Of course, it would be more satisfactory like to bury Donahoo. In fact, as I told him yesterday, no man with proper feeling or self-respect would feel comfortable walking about alive after putting his friends to all that trouble and expense on the understanding that he was dead. I pointed out to him that by not dying he was, so to speak, breaking faith with us; but, if you'll believe me, he couldn't see it! But that funeral sha'n't be spoilt for the want of a corpse if I can help it; so I'm after Fagan and--

If I only meet that joker, I'll convince him with the poker
That he needn't think to make us all look small;
Though the dead man, Donahoo, is alive and kicking too,
There perhaps may be a funeral after all.

This song may be sung in public without Fee or Licence, except at Music Halls.

For the music of this see following links. A few changes have been made due to restrictions in the transcribing music program: